opportunities to explore, to rise up in leadership.
maybe even just fun.
honestly, despite how much i love nyjc.
i love the people.
+ its got me reunited with my manprit & wallace
+ led me to HOGC and basketball.
but, we dont get much opportunities to go out.
especially since the London trip.
guessed i'm still bummed about it :x hahaha.
ohwell, maybe when im j2 in 2010! :D
i realised my edusave has over a thousand bucks in it o.o
haha, anyway
today, was an interesting day.
was really pekcek in the morning.
firstly overslept!
then i took the wrong bus TWICE.
making me late to go rp.
( really sorry val, peijun, zhengy )
then , my ez-link ran out of money )):
but,
rp is seriously PRETTY.
really! a new poly.
and with all the bad things i heard about it.
it really looks SUPER NICE!(:
then, met sheela & shalini at causeway
and went back to rp.
[it was so nice i HAD to show them!]
MENG! WHY DIDNT YOU TEL ME YOUR SCHOOL WAS SO NICE ?!
you made it sound so horrible!
we attempted to study, played the piano.
there's a piano in the library! haha.
and basically just crapped around as usual.
then, sheela came over to watch numb3rs.
ITS AN AWESOME SHOW.
into its 4th season! :D
honestly, that show is the only thing that keeps me interested in maths.
besides my mum of course :x
and , i've really come to learn many life lessons from it.
i think the writers are jsut awesome (:
i'll KOPE picture from sheela later.
they're really .. ugly.
hahaha .
tomorrow will be a goood day! :D
TGIO :DD
maybe my counterstrike will improve - not.
God, help me forgive & forget as you have.
give me a loving, tolerant, accepting heart(:
help me to see the light in circumstances that seem clouded.
WHAT SUBJECT COMBI SHOULD I TAKE ?!
the road is long,
the valley's deep,
the ocean's right in front of me.
But God.
OHOH ! i forgot to put,
this is my friend who's left us to go back to thailand ):
his name is kao.
i remember he was one of the first few people i met in NYJC.
and kao.
hm , kao is .
er , kao is a unique person.
right sharifah ? haha :D
we're really going to miss him.
Thursday, November 27, 2008,12:18 am
something really random.
then again, maybe not.
actually been harbouring thoughts about it for quite some time.
and after everything thats been happening around me these days.
everything i've seen.
experienced.
heard.
read.
im quite sick of it
and i need to vomit it out(:
i dont know where to start.
i guess i cant go into specifics.
hahha, dont want to end up like sheela :x
no offense, but i've learnt from her situation,
that i cant be as opened about blogging as i thought.
im seriously, honestly
just so sick of all the pretence, superficial, fake, insincere things
in this place we call life.
i'm so sick of it there are just no words to describe.
okay, i should start with myself(:
regarding someone.
hahaha, im sorry! i really dont like personal attacks,
and no offense to anyone, but.
i just need to blurt this out to my blog.
you're the one who complains&complains.
please, you have not done the things you claim you have.
not that im saying i have.
because , honestly. im sick of this lie we call a friendship.
all those months ago, ever since i learnt the truth.
i've long ago put all of this crap on the shelf.
so i wont pretend that i want this friendship anymore.
it was alright for you to shrug me away and put me at the corner. to use me as your last resort. for me to be the oh-man-i-have-nobody-else-so-i-call-you friend.
i will NEVER forget what you said that day. you always try to make it seem
like you've got such a good life without us.
such exciting problems, guys after you.
do you ever care about anyone other than yourself ?
always going on & on about your own life.
please, dont you think i realised,
that the only reason you call me.
is not because you care,
but you just want to rant on about your life.
but then apparently when we've settled in a reasonable life.
suddenly its out fault ? suddenly we're being unreasonable.
like as if its unfair that we're having a better life ?
and STOP being such a copycat please.
i can accept copycats who actually admit it.
but a copycat who claims they're original.
i seriously despise people with no substance.
no sense of integrity? respect?
i would really appreciate it.
if you stop pretending like we have such a bond,
which is obviously not there anymore!
please, stop using my friends.
this may all be fake to you,
but they are real to me.
sometimes i really wonder, WHAT FOR PUT ON SUCH A MASK?
its seriously not worth it.
lalala ~ okay(:
im quite glad i got it off my chest.
but part of me wishes i would just spurt all the specifics :x
i dont like shooing people, honestly.
i feel shitty after.
i really want to get away from people who,
say things they dont actually mean,
make promises they never intended to keep.
i know its stupid,
maybe even just plain naive and gullible.
but , it really pisses me off.
i mean, such things.
waste both your time and mine.
dont bother(:
anyway, alot of greys in my life nowadays.
like one huge PMS .
i honestly HATE making life-changing decisions.
thats why i would probably make a suckish leader. haha.
but , so many choices just popping up.
and i really dont know what to do.
i may think i do for awhile.
but then PMS sinks in again.
& then i get lost in this big pool of life again.
darn.
anyway,
FINALLY WATCHED HSM TODAY.
thank you ang peijun.
hahaha!
it was nice! sentimental i guess.
the show itself wasnt anything special,
but when i thought about their journey through the 3 shows.
thats what won me over.
peijun didnt like it though, HAHAHA.
she said i was thinking too far.
and yeah, we walked around E!hub for awhile.
AND AND AND ,
ITS THE ULTIMATE EATING HAVEN! honestly.
we saw MANY MANY GOOD FOOD.
but werent hungry. hahaha.
then, we chiong-ed over for CG.
CG itself was good.
its always goood.
but, certain things were just pissing me off. hahaha.
okay! i shall talk about the good things ! :D
we talked about our visions for 2009.
not ambitions, goals, resolutions.
goals.
goals beyond ourselves and our families.
and it was very comforting to hear everyone's.
even inspiring.
i want to help my cg-mates acheive their visions! :D
also, with all our talk about end-times yesterday,
i think the song "for the cause of Christ" was just perfect.
haha, i pray for such assurance in faith! (:
we had dinner , and ken & i mrt-ed home.
honestly, i was actually quite afraid we would have nothing to talk about.
but, GOSH.
it was on and on and on.
we caught up on old ccks times.
basketball, even hillgrove people!
hahaha , im sure we were both enlightened.
HAHAHA (:
i love just reminicing.
but, i learnt that one cant just dwell in the memories of yesteryear.
we have to look ahead! :D
and then again.
as i think back to all those hillgrove times.
they were really the best, the most enlightening,
and yet the hardest, toughest times of my life.
everything physial, mental and emotion i went through.
all those scars which are regrettedly still here.
thats what stirs my hunger for those yishun kids.
not just yishun, but the whole west area!
a change needs to happen here.
seriously, so seriously.
these kids need God.
they need God.
so they wont have to go through a single one of those horrible times.
never.
no vision = no future
btw, i just love sheela! she helped me create my photobucket account.
woots! :DD
i miss my gfs! i miss cherie xu shihui!
my chong shuni is in taiwan with dondon,
but thank God azureen is back today! HAHA :D
and to repay sheela, i promised to upload photos! haha,
so these are WAAAAAAAY long overdue photos i was too lazt to upload before :D
may my unglam-ness cheer you up(:
US MAKING MINI'S PRESENT :DD
we're happy! (:
STRIKE IT! :DD
eew! :x haha.
Saturday, November 22, 2008,11:19 pm
But God.
today was so significant!
not event-filled,
not hyped or superficial.
significant.
days like this where i feel such joy.
not happiness.
true joy.
gosh, so many things i want to blog about.
i experienced so many things in this short service.
so many things just dawned.
& sharyl kua makes me rofl until.
ohmytian.
thank you Lord.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008,1:58 am
im so happy now!
the inexplicable joy and assurance of the Lord!
tonight , i really see and felt the hand of God moving.
in the lives of my friends.
in my church.
its just amazing.
God is so real.
He just rocks , seriously.
& i feel the need to grow so much more!
i tell you , christianity is not something ancient.
unapplicable, irrelevant. fictional, idealistic.
even today , the Word is so real!
miracles are happening everyday.
the presence of God is just here :D
woots :DDDDDDDDDDD
just especially happy today!
and i realised i've really changed.
in terms of my priorities, wants, desires.
i no longer put my happiness in temporary things.
superficial things.
i used to think ,
my life revolved around basketball, friends, having a bf.
day to night my life revolved around these.
i really thought there was nothing more.
this year, i feel my eyes have ben opened to purpose & significance.
honestly.
now when i see the things of the past.
the things that used to have such a grip onto me.
i just smile cos i know i've grown up.
im no longer dependent on them.
no longer let circumstances take the better or me.
all the grudges, bitterness and disputes all seem unimportant.
even silly.
im running for significance! :D
man , only God can fill such a void.
woots!
anyway!
haha , today , MANY THINGS WENT WRONG .
one after another,
first, i woke up in the morning and couldnt find the clothes i wanted to wear!
then i had to put on some random black shirt and a random black shorts.
THEN , we went to a LIBRARY cos we had two hours to kill while waiting for mum.
THEN! in that same library which i knew we shouldnt have gone into!
my kwfoweihokjsngfrowperiod came !
cramps & cramps!
and then! I GOT A FUGGLY HAIRCUT):
not say fuggly luh , haha .
just , she cut off too much!
my hair takes SUPER long to grow, and it really was disheartening ):
lols, and then! i had to chiong down to jurong point and was almost late ):
met up with some 4/6-ians to watch madagascar!
IT IS SO FUNNY :DDDD
we laughed so hard!
okay, the guy-beside-me and i laughed really hard :x
really funny show(:
everyone needs an excuse to just laugh so hard that your stomach wants to be coughed up, tears start to stream down you cheeks, and you feel abs building in your stomach :D
we then went to kfc to slack awhile, and then the long 187 bus ride home.
greater things have yet to come,
greater things are still to be done here!
asia conference is finally here!
& though we cant go for all the elective we wanted,
i know we'll still learn a bazillion things.
cant wait for morning to come :DDDDDDDDDDDDDD
this week is going to be amazing! :DD
hearing all the stories from li hua.
i really admire and look up to our leaders.
Dominic & Charleston & pastors.
they have such a passion. such a drive!
they never stop!
God bless them many many man(:
they're really awesome.
we must must must pray for their cause.
their have the purest of intentions.
a vision that is just amazing.
as i think , if someone had been there in my secondary school days.
how awesome that would have been.
many mistakes could have been avoided.
though many lessons would not have been learnt.
many experiences not made.
many friends not made.
but i know there's a whole generation of kids calling out for guidance.
calling out for support & comfort.
they're just desperate for a purpose.
instead of turning to temporary things.
they need You.
Monday, November 17, 2008,11:38 pm
havent spent the day at home for a while!
i woke up really late , past 12.
and i realised i forgot to call Gataomo to cancel the appointment!
i was so kanchiong!
so i quickly called up , only to find that they called jieru le .
im so sorry jieru ! :x
well, suffering the after-effects of the most pekcek headache.
i tv-ed!
and, on days like these , inspiring movies always pop up!
i watched "blind dating" with yiling.
okay , besides the lame title.
it was really an eye-opening show for me.
about this blind [ shuai! ] guy.
personally, i think losing sight is the worst sense you could lose!
or maybe touch, nono, sight!
yeah, he really didnt indulge in self-pity.
but even used it to his advantage.
and it made his other senses even stronger.
in fact, i think he sees people better than many of us.
and also , this show reflected how your culture, your circumstance can really affect your dating life.
like, its not really all in your control.
but, he really didnt mind that the girl was indian,
and she didnt mind that he was blind!
yeah , anyway.
decided to surf around.
to find out more about social work.
to prove to dad that i knew about what i wanted.
and yes !
i had an epiphany [ according to mum ]
my goal now,
is to get a BSW :D
when i told mum and dad.
i saw that buried-f0r-so-long smile.
finally , i think .
all the bickering.
all the shouting.
all the fights.
all the arguments.
can stop.
but , i cant happily say that i want to repeat j1.
my friends are leaving!
pf, val, daryl, sylvia.
and those remaining will be gone next year):
honestly, im not that excited about self-intro a bagillion times again.
sometimes, i just want that friend.
which is just there, there!
to brave through experiences together.
laugh at retarded things together.
and can say "yeah , remember those years ago we did blah blah blah"
no need to find new ones all the time.
no need to say goodbye. ohwell(:
but i know that God's plan in NYJC is not done yet!
i can feel it.
maybe thats why.
well, did a few functions questions.
sighs, i hate maths !
owefrwkfnpwefnm!
:D
got super distracted after question 6.
and made the high score in inkball on my laptop! :DD
after that,
my family had the sudden random urge to go to queensway.
so we did !
haha , after that.
we had like, a 930 dinner at adam road.
and went home :D
quite sian that i missed BMI today.
but, the day at home was good too(:
i need spiritual maturity!
just maturity is good too (:
12:26 am
Isn't it funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell.
Isn't it funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says.
Isn't it funny how everyone wants to go to heaven provided they do not have to believe, think, say, or do anything the Bible says. Or is it scary?
Isn't it funny how someone can say ' I believe in God ' but still follow Satan (who, by the way, also 'believes' in God ).
Isn't it funny how you can send a thousand jokes through e-mail and! they spread like wildfire, but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord , people think twice about sharing .
Isn't it funny how the lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene pass freely through cyberspace, but the public discussion of Jesus is suppressed in the school and workplace.
Isn't it funny how someone can be so fired up for Christ on Sunday, but be an invisible Christian the rest of the week.
just something to think about(: ahaha.
which i think is just so true.
ohmytian , there's so much i want to blog about, seriously.
but , im having the mega most irritating headache ever [ literally ]
so much thinking to do about where to go , what choice to make.
actually , i was quite satisfied going with the agreement i made with dad.
which was .
to study maths the next two months.
if i could cope , i'd stay in jc
if i couldnt, then we'd decide.
i was really okay with that,
but then valerie told me about her and daryl's plans for PGSM .
and my thoughts went spiralling down again.
ohmytian , i started to panic.
i seriously, seriously, honestly, sincerely, am at a crossroads.
i've been praying about this for so long,
but the arrows just go haywire and point everywhere!
i really admire those with conviction,
with stand , who know what they want and the route they want to go down.
or at least have to guts to take risks.
i, admittedly.
am always rooted with the fears of regret.
you know , i think strongholds are specific too!
):
i want to choose the path that not only helps me achieve academically.
but also, to fulfil God's plan.
the route that will open more doors , more opportunities to do His will.
that to me , is more important than excelling academically.
but , i dont know which path):
anyway, strike it! weekend's over):
not only were the games awesome.
but the sermon was amazing as well.
i really feel like i've been ministered through this weekend
i feel Pastor truly touched on what it means to be a Christian,
salvation, repentance, forgiveness and maturity/IMmaturity.
what it means to take responsibility.
as well as the role of a man and a woman.
i now look at the story of Adam & Eve in a totally different light!
i remember i used to ask my dad.
"just because of Adam, the whole world has to be condemned forever ?!?!?!"
"we could have been sinless humans!"
"if God knew Adam would sin, why did He make us sinless in the beginning, give us false hope"
i now know all these things are totally wrong.
hahaha.
the fact Adam didnt take responsibily, blamed Eve and even God.
showed he wasnt sinless to begin with.
& we're not condemned anymore,
because Jesus Christ justified the mistake Adam made.
okay , thats alot of wordy things.
maybe you should wait for Nic's blog.
if he chooses to type the whole sermon out.
hahaha
well , for me.
i've learnt that more than ever.
we have to take responsibility for our own mistakes.
take ownership for our decisions aand cirumstances.
its never anyone else's fault, i mean. it could be.
but it takes two hands to clap.
we said yes when we could have said no.
God isnt upset with our sinning,
because sin in itself has a solution.
but, He's upset that we dont take responsibility for it ):
and when it came to my schooling and stuff.
i never truly made the decision i wanted.
i always chose the decision that , if failed.
could warrant me right to say "they made me do it"
and now , i realise that i need to step up and decide for myself.
and i really dont know where to go.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008,11:56 pm
i've been blogging alot lately.
today was a significant day! haha.
chiong-ed to school at about 1.
talked with sharifah ,
i wanted to play tennis but the guys were having their training):
but , girls can chat the day away man! haha.
anytime , anywhere.
seriously like a machine gun on and on.
left school a little later than planned ,
and had to CHIONG down to sp !
haha, but luckily, the rest were late too . HAHAHA .
in fact , the sp gang was uncontactable about half an hour after i reached!
val & i were lost ducks in that maze of a school :x
met new friends in sp called grace and weihong!
and i was really really hungy, so ryan and i ate first:x
sharyl was suan-ing ryan to the max ! haha .
seriously, we were laughing our asses off! haha.
it was quite late by the time we started the prayer meeting.
but it was really awesome!
just , yeah.
awesome .
i really felt God moving in this small group.
though ken , ryan and wilfrid were new.
really could feel God speaking to everyone in the room!
and i saw that they'll breakthrough 20 , no cake! :D
being soaked in the presence of God.
it really brings me back to the heart of worship, the beginnings of it all.
im so so so sure that prayer meetings in sp will be just awesome!
aiya! haha .
words seriously cant explain the level of joy and excitement! :DD
God just rocks man.
we could bring in the atmosphere, we could do all the technical things.
we could even pray till midnight.
but , at the end of the day.
its really God's hand that moves mountains and touches lives.
after that , we just stayed in the room,
we all dian songs while weihong played them one by one on guitar.
seriously, HE KNOWS SO MANY O.O
we were all amazed . haahah!
it was so awesome :D
well , by the time we finished , it was almost 7.
woah , long! haha.
i really think Valerie is a great leader.
she led the prayer meeting so confidently!
really really wonder how she does it man!
awesome leaders we have(:
even more awesome-r friends we have! hahaha.
today was really significant (:
anyway , went off to jurong point to meet shuni for dinner.
haha , every time i meet her is fun!
we went to eat mos, where the food was horrible :x
it was nicer when we were working at the one at bpp! haha.
we walked around , usual usual. haha .
embarrassing ourselves is already a norm everytime we meet.
*shrugs.
yongxing asked me tonight
"what was going through your mind when you found God"
and i realised, i havent thought about it for the longest of time.
i really had to crack my brain.
and i remembered!
i could really see that moment in my mind.
i cant remember how old i was, i think it was p4 or younger.
i remember we were having sunday school in the old diocese building beside the old coa.
i think my teacher was auntie jenny :x i cat remember.
we were doing our usual lesson stuff.
when it suddenly hit me.
i felt this geat insufficiency and lack of direction in God.
i thought, i was born a christian and been doing this my whole life.
but , i never marked a day in my calender.
a day where i myself made a personal proclamation to God that He's my saviour.
and being in p4.
this may sound really lame but , i was thinking.
"what if God doesnt know? what if He hasnt written my name in the book of life yet"
and i started to panic. hahaha .
i still remember i was really scared.
so , me and .. someone else whom i cant remember.
went outside and beside the field.
went to one corner, and i said the sinner's prayer.
instantly, i remember how a smile just came to my face.
i cant explain it.
that inexplicable peace of God, that assurance.
i know it sounds really childish and probably insignificant.
but, that day has been etched in the pits or my mind..
and im so glad i remember!
i havent look back on the beginning in forever!
and i realised its really important to remember the beginning,
the reason for everything now.
woo !
today is really significant. haha.
hahaha, i love days like today(:
Tuesday, November 11, 2008,10:27 pm
didnt get much sleep last night, last night, there are just no words to describe how i felt. as my dad threw those words at me. i dont want to blog about what happened, only how i feel. simply because. when i look back. i dont want to remember what happened.
OHMYTIAN , I JUST WATCHED SADDEST THING EVER. wahlau eh, something on channel8. about this woman, who's been through a tough life. and one night , someone just kidnapped her , brought her to some apartment. banged her head against the wall, was slashing her ALL OVER , and then poured hot water on her. so she went through operation. and is disfigured now. she used to be REALLy pretty, seriously ): WHY DO SUCH THINGS HAPPEN. WHY ?! ohmygosh , i just wanted to cry buckets . i dont understand , WHY ? )))))))): who deserves such sadistic treatment? WHO ?! you wouldnt want someone to do this to you , why do this to someone else ?! WHY ? a total stranger somemore. ohmytian, i can never understand . i seriously cannot accept this. it makes you want to , just stay at home and never ever go out. God , i pray you'll bless people who've met with such predicament. please send them your peace and blessings, and most of all comfort and love.
hais): i've totally lost the mood to blog
hm, anyway. went to school today with monster eyes. swollen like *beep. it was just horrible ): i felt horrible.
but , decided to make myself happy to go for econs ! (: which i actually understood! with nabihah explaining abit here and there. but when they went to ratios and calculating. i totally switched off. hahaha :x i also went for H1 maths . which , i totally regret! hahaha . i didnt understand anything ! i tell you , its harder than H2. so shan and i went to the toilet to take photos instead. haha.
after that , went to meet up with some integrations. it was fun! (: haha. but , val, jieru and i were really tired. and , i was half switched off :x hahaha . but , surprising them , seeing the reactions, really makes it all worth it. haha , but alot of travelling :x
ohmytian , my eyes really hurt. blog another day. SMILE PEOPLE :D
Monday, November 10, 2008,11:40 pm
something great i read o the D5 blog! haha .
What Equals 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?
Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?
We have all been in situations where someone wants you to GIVE OVER 100%.
How about ACHIEVING 101%?
What equals 100% in life?
Here's a little mathematical formula that might help answer these questions:
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Therefore, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that:
While Hard Work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, It's the Love of God that will put you over the top!
coincidence or not , judge for yourself.
God is such a great mathematician.
i remember my dad just told me that a few hours ago,
as he tried to make me gain interest in it.
i dont know why im in such a good mood today.
even though bad things happened all day round. HAHA.
i enjiy slack-ish days like today.
soemtimes i wish school was always like that.
came to school SUPER early.
only to know shar and wanting woke up late .
had a long talk with coach. about life. about whats ahead in the future.
im getting alot of that recently :x
not that i dont appreciate it. im so grateful for the support.
its the first time i had a real conversation with coach.
and i've really come to like and respect him!
he's really a goood coach , and nice.
which makes me even more upset that i quit ):
he really cares for us. and is super nice ! hahaha .
okay , i shall stop promoting him.
saw dexter and the rest and decided to go eat breakfast! haha . since shar was still an hour away
saw manprit on the way out of school.
and the walk to mac was a dramatic run in the rain for me and manprit.
haha , RGPS DNA !
we're always a little more drama :D
we talked and crapped, and talked and crapped.
thats all i ever do with them! haha .
the thing is, when i was about to leave. it had already stopped raining.
but the moment we stepped out of mac.
it began raining dogs and ducks again!
God is adding humour to my day. hahaha .
so , run run run again.
met shar , and we watched dramas like there's no tomorrow . HAHA .
okay , it was just one episode of fang yang de xing xing.
but it was really sweeet :DD
more slacking (:
since the trip to SP was cancelled the last minute,
eileen, nab and i had nothing to do !
we then decided , while walking aimlessly outside school.
to take the first bus that passes by.
and , it was 48, or 45 :\ i cant remember :x
we intended to ride the entire loop back to amk.
but , after one hour on the bus.
we couldnt take it anymore , and we got off at parkway parade! haha.
it was super exciting , because .
its the first time i've beeen there ! EVER ! haha .
even iwas having a strange dejavu feeling.
now i can understand why shan always says its cool .
i thought it was some strange ulu place , but its actually quite big .
and there's alot of stuff ! :DDD
shopped around with nabihah abit, and left to meet my family for dinner.
it was nice.
no quarrels, no shouting.
we joked , we laughed at each other's lameness.
and for a moment i felt things were back as they were before.
where i could tell my mum everything.
and even though dad told jokes that had no link, he wasnt angry.
he wasnt disappointed.
there was ,
peace.
how i long for that , and not in the superficial on-the-surface way.
true , sincere, genuine.
i really miss it.
the days where they were proud to call me their daughter.
where i could make them laugh.
and we all felt so close, so loved.
but those days seem so far away now.
when we got home.
it was as if the invisible bubble of peace lifted from us.
and things returned back to normal.
"normal" , abnormal i mean.
dad doesnt know that just as im typing all these.
he's seated opposite me.
again telling me the path i want has no future.
my direction in life is wrong.
and that my life would soon be a regret in the years to come.
yeah ,
my life's going to be one big mistake yeah ?
he just said this "you're going to be a beggar"
Saturday, November 08, 2008,7:07 pm
YEAH MAN !
i finally did up my links (:
well , since i had nothing better else to do today. haha.
deleted many many for .. many many reasons (:
if i missed out any , tag me ! :D
i feel a sense of accomplishment . hahaha .
3:44 pm
haha , blogged-surfed awhile.
and , its so inspiring to read Garett's blog.
he doesnt make bombastic and chimo statements despite being a great leader in HOGC.
he's so down-to-earth and very honest!
and i always thought , woah.
their spiritual level is like so FAR AWAY. such a quality level.
but he talks about how he's still growing.
he's still learning.
and i realised , yeah man.
they're still humans :x haha.
anyway, yesterday was the ever-so-awaited results day.
i wont say anything first, i'll describe how the day went! (:
morning was already horrible.
dad was on a pms rampage already.
basically telling me to hurry up and get out of the house practically.
when i only had to be in school by 2.
i was on the phone, and i think that made him even more pissed.
significant statements i remember him saying.
"i have so many things to do by 2pm, you think i have time for you meh?"
"you think the whole world going to stop for you uh?"
"so when yiling retains next year, you going to account for it?"
well, i dont know what i did to provoke him ,
cos i didnt even say anything ,
and sometimes i wonder,
does he hear himself speak?
cos im sure it must be his life mission to make his daughter feel like an insufficient loser.
so , having been thrown on the streets, hahaha .
i had to wonder about till 2pm.
but i decided to go to school early ,
AND IM SO THANKFUL
that yongxing was also there doing nothing .
did nothing nothing nothing ,
then val came ,
we continued to do nothing nothing nothing .
gentson came ,
and we did nothing nothing nothing .
then ! my classmates finally came to have our birthday celebration.
10 people's birthday! (i forgot to include my own)
it wasnt very significant.
as in , our class isnt like super bonded and united and all.
but , it was nice (:
a lychee cake and a chocolate cake.
which we had TONS left over.
and , we diecided to put them nicely in a box and give them to ms f and mrs teo.
hahaha .
then , finally the time came.
LT4.
to lighten mood , our cutest-most-amazing-principal-in-the-world mr kwek spoke first
as usual, he's so cute ! hahah ,
trying to act young and all .
totally unprofessional though you can see he's trying.
if i leave nyjc, i think i'll miss him alot! hahah.
well , he spoke seemingly inspiring and motivational things for an hour,
but , they did flash the results of each class.
my class?
we had ONE failure. ONE MAN.
seeing that number, i knew it was a possibility that it could be me.
sylvia and i were panicking.
i tried to falsely assure myself that it might not be me.
but you know that feeling where,
you just KNOW something's meant for you?
yeah, i had that feeling.
we then broke into our own individual classes.
and sitting beside weijian,
i knew , if it wasnt him, then it was me.
and seeing him to panicked and nervous.
i thought, he has more to lose actually.
and then,
when i saw him go "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
i knew it was me.
funny though,
i always talked about how i was prepared for it.
how i might even want it.
but,
visualising it, contemplating it.
and actually seeing it.
is entirely different.
i told myself not to cry, but i couldnt ):
of course i was sad.
i felt doors closing before my eyes, the thought of graduating next year gone.
the thought of being 0834 gone.
the thought of having to mark out another path.
i really didnt know what to do.
i know shar and the rest were trying to cheer me up.
and congrats to wanting for being most improved student .
MOST IMPROVED STUDENT leh!
but, it seriously didnt help.
i know they were happy it wasnt them.
and im happy for them too i guess.
had like , the longest talk with ms f.
i wanted to stay in the LT after just to cry it out.
but , saw siming and his friend inside.
and , i seriously dont want to cry in front of them.
well ,
life has to go on right ?
i know i have to look ahead.
i really admire the rest of the hogc nyjc gang.
people like peifen, darylseah, jianfan.
and people like yongxing.
they know where they want to go.
and they move on.
one thing im sure though.
the reason im not in some room going "WHY ! HOW !"
and feeling lost and vulnerable.
the reason why im not spiralling into depression like as if the whole world's turned upside-down.
is because i have God in me.
He gives me peace in my circumstance when it seems i have none.
i am assured that i can move on from this.
i know deep inside me that He will not forsake.
that i can assuredly say, is the difference(:
but , faith without works is dead.
and i need to have a plan!
on a brighter note.
yesterday was the first day of PASTOR KONG!(:
bus-ed with peifen there.
and im really glad i talked to her.
i really pray that she finds the peace she needs
and im so blessed to have a spiritual sister like her.
honestly.
im sad that my friends and siblings couldnt come today.
because it was really amazing.
it was an entirely different level.
i remember the times when i was in City Harvest.
and though i had quite bad impressions of it.
Pastor Kong's message always brought me breakthrough.
and would usually leave me in tears .
this one no different :x
haha , but i've come to respect him on a totally different level.
he's a real hero of faith.
and , i was so shocked to be a church builder!
HAHAHA .
silently happy of course.
the atmosphere there was much thicker !
woah man!
there's just too much details .
but , you really had to be there.
i feel it brought breakthrough to many people last night.
God really spoke.
but , i think i was quite distracted because of the results.
but still , awesome.
had to rush off ):
had a talk with my parents last night.
dont want to say more.
sometimes,
i just wished.
they response to my failures would be more understanding.
instead of just expectations, anger and sarcasm.
i really pray for the day that we work together for solutions.
not just their demanding , confliction one after another.
thats all i pray for.
Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
heartofGodchurch